Mafia Gazette Past Issue 139
The Mafia Gazette Issue 139 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Saturday 2nd June 'BREAKING NEWS - BODYGUARD SLAUGHTER ' Today the bodyguard union lost the battle against the state, resulting in many of the bodyguards who have been unable to find work being executed by authorities within the last couple of hours. Authorities told the Gazette that this has been something that they have needed to do for a long time. These unemployed bodyguards have been living off the state, sleeping in doorways and begging by passers for spare change, spending spare time drinking and taking drugs. A spokesman told us, 'These men were a drain on the community, they charged potential employers extortionate prices because they knew no one would pay them, they never intended to work.' Following this mornings decision to go ahead with the 'clean up' dozens of unemployed bodyguards were gathered and executed this afternoon, with rumours of more executions to follow in the next few days. Authorities have not yet released the bodies to the church, although they should be released to be buried later on today. We spoke briefly with a union representative about today's slaughters. They told us that they had fought it to the very end and would continue to fight. They will be doing everything they can to stop more of these men losing their lives. One of them let us in on a secret, 'There are rumours that a couple of bodyguards who have been charging upward of three quarters of a million a day may decide to offer their services for free to their next employer following today’s carnage. making them more likely to find work and avoid the same fate as today's victims.' 'THE PRIESTHOOD GOES TO DETROIT ' by Truijen Jiri On Tuesday the 22d of May, Leroy came to the streets with some important information concerning The Priesthood. He started with "It's time for a change..." Leroy told us he was moving home, he and The Priesthood were moving to Detroit. Why? Mainly because Las Vegas is getting too crowded. The Priesthood has grown in numbers and in ranks since they first started. He went on thanking his friends and allies who helped The Priesthood build up in Las Vegas. Leroy personally thanked Mr Valentine for all his help and confidence. Leroy than continued to speak about the status of Detroit. He knows it's a ghost town but aims to make the city great again, like it once was. Immediately after his speech he went on with setting up the basic rules, that murders and muggings will not be tolerated. After this Leroy got some positive reactions from the listening crowd. Where under the don of The Meggio Mob, Portia and the don of The Outsiders, Wes_The_Bull, wishing him good luck. Time will tell if this was the right move for The Priesthood. 'AN INTERVIEW WITH CHERRY ' by Truijen Jiri On Tuesday the 22d of May, I approached Cherry inviting her for a drink so we could talk. Though she declined the drink, she was interested in a talk with me. So instead of going to a nice bar we just started talking. The topic was the announcement of Leroy that his family moved from Las Vegas to Detroit. At first she told me to talk about it with her boss, but I explained to her that I wasn't looking for a business talk. I was more looking for a humble opinion, from a person that isn't afraid to tell her opinion. After that Cherry responded to my question. Cherry: in all honesty Vegas really was becoming over crowded, I believe Leroy's family has grown a lot and he now has a good few well ranked people and as the cities left open are limited he chose Det, to move too. TJ: and do you think it is a good move for him to go from the west to the east Besides New York he couldn't go any deeper into the east than he just did. Cherry: I am sure he feels he is acting in his families best interests. Do you not think it was a wise move? TJ: well in all honesty, I have no clue if it was wise or not. I don't have any clue how the business in LV is or in what state the city is. The only thing I was thinking when I heard about it, was that it was again another family moving from the one to the other city. What kept me thinking was that Detroit has been a doom city so far. Allot of people tried to set-up there, but most failed in keeping their family there. Cherry: I think he may have more man power than others that have tried so that may help him. Moving city yes I can see your point I would take a guess that he may not have planned to stay in Vegas from the start. TJ: I guess he had his reasons to start in Vegas, But it just looks like just another city changement. It sounds like you think it is a wise move for him, why? Cherry: I really have no idea if it is a wise move or not I have to be honest and say really I am a west coast child, I have travelled to the other cities here and have never felt at home or as safe as I do here. Time will tell if he made the right move. 'LOTTERY RESULTS ' by Totally Guitarded Tonight's lottery numbers were: 1, 10, 33, 35, 38, 43 There were 60 players, with 3 winners each winning 5million. Remember to enter Wednesday's draw for a chance to win 2.5million. A big thanks to organiser and Draw master, Porta. 'ASK KING TIE ' by King Tie We have recently had the one and only King Tie join our team here at the Gazette and he has agreed to do a column for us. So we are giving you the opportunity to ask King Tie anything. Have a problem with no answers? Ask King Tie. Something you've always wanted to know? Ask King Tie. Simply mail all questions directly to TieDomiII and keep an eye on the next issue of the Gazette for your answer. Miguel: "Why is it that every time I walk through the park in a trench coat, the squirrels always go for my nuts?" What nuts? Mob: Were did MST come from? And why has he decided to come back and annoy us all? He came from Hell. He has come back because he is jealous of my pure manliness. St. Louis Cardinals Fan: Why must I like the Cardinals, when the Yankees are CLEARLY the best team in professional baseball? I dunno, I often ask myself the same question. I just don't understand how anybody can like any team other than the Yankees. Random Hot Chick: Tie will you make sweet love to me? Normally yes, but I'm afraid I cannot for my heart belongs to Bailey! Vancouverinian: What's your favourite thing about being a girl? Probably the lesbian sex. 'NEW! - RIDDLE CORNER ' By Wolf Welcome readers to the Gazette's first Riddle Corner. This is for all them who like to test their mind skills and to keep their brains fresh. Riddle 1. ADD TO 100 With the numbers 123456789, make them add up to 100. They must stay in the same order. You can use add, subtraction, multiplication, and division. Remember, they have to stay in the same order. Riddle 2. HOLDING HANDS What can you hold in your right hand but not your left. Riddle 3. CROSSING THE RIVER Two boys and a man need to cross a river. They can only use the canoe. It will hold only the man OR the two boys' weight. How can they all get across safely? There is a cash prize of $10,000 for each riddle to the first lucky readers with the correct answers. All entries are to be sent to me and the winners and answers will be published in the next issue. NO CHEATING NOW!!! 'OBITUARIES ' by Totally Guitarded Li_thium - Made Man - Jun 1st, 9:57AM Cherry: Lith what can i say, you were a gentleman. RIP Belushi: What a waste.. so sorry to see you here mate Good run respect Rest well DiamondZadie: *Grabs heart* what the fuck, Lith, are you trying to kill me. Honey you were sooo flippin close. awwwwwwww, Honey Im sooo crushed! Rest in Peace, sweet cheeks 'CLASSIFIEDS ' by Totally Guitarded Have a business? Horses? Anything you want advertised? The Gazette will advertise it here, absolutely FREE! Just drop Totally_Guitarded a mail with the details. 19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC) The Gazette is back and looking for writers once more. If you have a flare for writing and wish to apply, either part time or full time.. drop by the head office in Chicago or simply submit articles/columns to Totally_Guitarded. Good rates of pay! 19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC) $The Bank of Garrison$ Weapon storage Cash Storage Mail Jim-Garrison for details 19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC) Lawyer needed. Tough courtroom setting. Contact Anthony-Casso for further details.